I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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