the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
