My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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