Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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