His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
