Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
