i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
