Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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