OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
