It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
