i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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