so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you will always have a special place in my vag
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
