i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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