Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
