You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
