hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
