does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
