I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
