what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
