So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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