I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
