Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
