I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
