Already got asked if we're dating
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
