I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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