sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
