Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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