So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
