Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
