God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
