p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Sober January is a disaster.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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