I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
