Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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