I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
