I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
