No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
