A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
