i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
