glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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