He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
