Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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