Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
