He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
this just has baby written all over it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
