spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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