i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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