She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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