I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
