Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
