the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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