so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
