where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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