He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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