i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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