Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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