once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
