I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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