after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
