I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
