YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
im six kinds of drunk right now
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
