my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
