That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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