Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
