I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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