im six kinds of drunk right now
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
