I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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