kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So many bounce houses so little time
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
