i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
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I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
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Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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