Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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