there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
