This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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