last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Randomize
