its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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