I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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