I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
