I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I would fuck him just for his dog
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
