Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
