he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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