if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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