i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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