Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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