dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
