I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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