Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
