Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
