Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
