So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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