Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
