U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
