Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
