I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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